“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
― Carl Gustav Jung
The saying goes, “Love makes the world go ’round.” It does not go on to say that love complicates the heck out of life. It is not a simple emotion that has a pat definition. We love our pets, we love our friends, we love our children and families. Each of those emotions has variables, and sometimes the differences are very hard to sort out. When does caring for a co-worker become friendship? When does friendship turn into romance and passion?
Answer those questions isn’t easy especially when you add the spiritual dimension into the equation. Spells offer us one way to improve our discernment and then add the right kind of energy into our relationships.
Relationships and Magic
There are the relationships we have with co-workers, neighbors, and community. Some are good (some not so good) but, inevitably, times arise when we need to strengthen or heal our ties. Unfortunately, circumstances and distance don’t always make that easy. Spells and rituals give you a media through which to answer part of that need while you continue your mundane efforts, no matter how far away a person or persons may be.
- Time your spells for the month of July or a Friday (if the relationship is of a romantic nature), when the moon is in Pisces (to inspire fruitful friendships), and a waxing to full moon (promotes good feelings between people).
- Add aromatics such as orange, rose, apple, basil, and lemon (all of which encourage warmth)
- Use a candle whose color correspondence implies the type of relationship for which you’re working magick. A business relationship might require a brown or green color to represent the Earth Element and prosperity, for example.
- Include other potential components and symbols such as jade, knots, rings, cards, and forget-me-not type items.
Candle Divination for a New Relationship
Ever wish you could have just a glimmer of insight into a budding relationship? Candle scrying can help you predetermine a relationship’s potential. For this activity, you need at least 15 minutes of quiet time, a candle whose color represents the potential partner, and a dark room. Please make sure there are no breezes here, as wind can wreak havoc on the results of a reading.
Begin by lighting the candle and getting comfortable somewhere nearby. If you can manage to have the candle’s flame located around eye-height, that seems to work best. Think about the person you’ve recently gotten to know. Bring an image of him or her into your mind. Visualize the interactions you’ve had thus far, then focus on the question of what the most possible future holds for the two of you. (Note: I say “possible” future because your free will and actions from this moment forward can transform fate’s web.)
Now, observe the flame’s movements carefully. Try not to put your personal hopes and wishes into what you see. Simply observe.
Here is a brief list of interpretive values:
Sparking: A potentially heated relationship either in terms of personalities that tend toward anger, or the spark of passion. If the sparks fly to the right, it’s a more positive omen.
Smoldering: Not much hope here. It will take plenty of effort to keep this relationship alive (especially if you want anything more than a short-term friendship or acquaintance).
Going Out: A truly negative sign. This relationship is going nowhere and may indeed be very bad for you. Note: If the candle burns for a few minutes before going out, it indicates you could have some fun times before the relationship ends.
Splitting in Two at the Top of the Wick: Twin flames with a solid body are a positive sign implying two people with one heart or mutual goal.
Splitting Completely: An odd sign that says either someone intends to come between you or that serious obstacles are lying in your path.
Dancing or Burning very Brightly: A positive sign of good energy between you two.
Spell for Healing a Relationship
When you’re both done speaking your minds, put the two breakable items together on a piece of paper or cloth (to catch the shards) and break them together. These should be buried or otherwise disposed of to put the negativity away. These matters are dead and buried.
Finally, blow out the candles and wrap them in a white cloth (to protect the new peace you’ve created). Tie the bundle together with three knots, representing you, your partner, and the relationship saying:
“Peace has been reclaimed.
By our promise-animosity released.
From this moment onward, respect and forgiveness will never cease.”
Keep the candles somewhere safe to use any time you need to bring some gentle salve to that relationship.
Note that if you have no way to extend this energy directly, you can still enact this spell by yourself following the instructions for your end of the equation. This acts like extending a hand or waiving the white flag. Afterward, just remain open-minded and see what opportunities arise to heal things.
The word kinship means “of the same nature or mind.” True kinship has very little to do with blood ties and more to do with how we feel toward special people in our lives. Kin in heart and spirit share certain bonds that were built with tenacity and time. And while one cannot stop the ongoing maintenance it takes to keep kinship alive between two or more people, you can enact candlelight spells, meditations, and rituals to support your ties to one another. This support does not come in the form of constraint, but rather to keep the spiritual and physical lines of communication open and vital.
- Time your spells for when the sun is shining (it implies blessings), during a waxing moon, or during June and July (most popular for reunions and weddings).
- Add aromatics such as rosemary (for remembrance), lemon (friendship), orchid (love), and nutmeg (fidelity).
- Use pink candles for gentle feelings or love.
- Include other potential components and symbols such as trees (a family tree in particular), coats of arms, knots or rings, and jade (a stone that inspires good feelings between people).
Supporting Long-Distance Kinship Magic Spell
Enact this mini-ritual on special occasions such as holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays when the members of yow group or family cannot get together to celebrate. It will require a little planning to pull this off, however. First, you’ll need to send a special candle to every person who wants to participate. These should all match in color, aroma, etc.; and bear a mark that somehow represents the whole group,
Next, you need to choose a date and time when you can all work (remember to consider time differences in your planning). On the appointed day and hour, go to a window and set up your candle. Look toward the horizon and think of your friends or family who are also doing the same. Light the candle and softly chant:
“Though we are apart-we are of one heart.
Our spirits and minds, this magick binds.
Across the land, our love we send.
By this candle’s light-our souls unite!”
Continue repeating the chant for about 15 minutes (or whatever time you’ve agreed upon). When you stop, close your eyes and let hugs from near and far surround you astrally. Accept the warmth extended by others, and rejoice in it.
Spell for Improving Long-Distance Kinship
During this activity, you’ll be making a special candle for someone who is going away (be it to college, moving to a new home, etc.). You’ll need some pink candle wax and two jade stones (small pieces are best). You also need some type of candle mold. You can get these inexpensively at most hobby and craft shops.
“My heart to your heart-never apart
When you feel lonely-know, you’re near to me
Then when this candle burns, to you my love returns!”
Pour in the remaining wax, place the wick, and let cool. When you unmold the candle, wrap it in a soft cloth with a copy of the above incantation, so the person understands how to use it (i.e., lighting it whenever they’re missing you greatly).
Group Kinship Magic Mini-Ritual
This mini-ritual strengthens the sense of kinship in a group. For it, each person must bring a candle to the gathering marked in a manner that’s easily recognizable. Additionally, the person coordinating the event should bring some white, yellow, and blue ribbon (the colors of peaceful communication, and joy, respectively) braided together. The altar is empty but for each person’s candle. In turn around the Circle, everyone should light their candle and state their feelings toward the whole (also any wishes and goals). When everyone is done, the coordinator (often priest or priestess) may blow out the candles and bind them with the ribbon. These should be stored safely away to protect the group’s unity. If someone leaves the group in the future, the bundle is opened, and the individual candle retrieved out of it, then re-secured.
In the world of spellcraft, love magick ranks the highest in terms of demand. That’s understandable, but love magic must be treated with care. You need to think long and hard about what you want, need, and how to achieve those goals without manipulation (bearing in mind that what we think we need and what we truly need are often two different things). For this reason, it’s best to release your love magick to the world without necessarily focusing it on ONE person. When love comes back to you, in any form, it is a blessing. Try not to put such a powerful and positive force into a preconceived box. You’ll find your magick will respond in kind and find interesting ways to bring and keep love in your life.
- Time your spells for the full moon (a very romantic time). Alternatively, when the moon is in Aquarius or during June.
- Add aromatics such as rose, apple, basil, cinnamon, lavender, lemon, orange, pine, and vanilla, all of which have long associations with love.
- Use pink or red candles (the darker the color, the deeper the level of intent).
- Include other potential components and symbols such as a heart or knots. Crystals such as amethyst (peaceful love), amber, jade, lapis, and moonstone. Also, mead has long been considered a love/fertility philter (which is why it was a traditional honeymoon gift).
Pinning your Wish for Love Spell
Pick out a candle of the right color for your intention. Place a pin in the middle of the candle focusing on your significant other. Light the candle saying:
“As this candle burns
Let my love be returned.
If it be for the best
Then pray heed, my heart’s request.”
Note: This incantation provides a loophole: “If it be for the best.” Should your relationship be an unhealthy one, this incantation ensures that your magick won’t feed the negativity. Let the candle burn until the pin falls out. You may use the remaining candle in other love spells.
Drawing New Love
This spell takes place over eight days, starting as the moon waxes out of the dark phase.
Endeavor to work undisturbed, every night at the same time. Begin by lighting one candle and speaking into the flame of your wishes. On night two, move the exterior candles a little closer to the candle that represents you and repeat this process with two candles. Continue in this manner until on the eighth night the eight candles are nearly touching the self-candle. Let all naturally burn out releasing your wishes to the universe.
Three Day Improved Love Spell
If you want to improve a relationship (specifically the level of trust), try this spell. Begin with three candles (one to represent you, one for your heart, and one for your relationship as a whole), and three pink quartz crystals. If possible, you should enact this spell with your mate (ensuring their goals for your relationship are the same as yours).
Begin the spell at dawn each day, for three days. On day one, light your candle, look at your mate, and share all that’s in your heart and spirit. Put aside trivial issues, and focus on all the goodness you have, and all that you hope will come. On day two, light your candle, your mate lights his or her candle, and then shares their joys, hopes, and dreams with you. Finally, on day three, you each light your personal candle. Then, from those two flames, both ignite the relationship candle, repeating together:
“In trust and love, blessed from above
As we carry this stone, our love to hone
In unity and harmony, we declare this spell is free!”
Leave the candles to burn and spend some quality time together. Each of you should always carry one of the three crystals with you, leaving the last one on your altar to represent your united minds and hearts.
Passion (Lust) Spell
Long-term relationships often need a little spark for energy. Other times you need to give it a little boost, letting passion burn brightly. Others still, when an interested party is a little too interested, you need to put that fire out! Whatever the case, when our amorous physical nature isn’t cooperating the way we wish, it provides us with an opportunity to apply a little positive Candle Magick directly into our love lives.
- Time your spells for when the sun is shining (blessings), the full moon (a very romantic time) when the moon is in Scorpio, and on May Day.
- Add lustful aromatics such as cinnamon, hibiscus, mint, vanilla, and violet.
- Use deep red candles (to light the fires within).
- Include other potential components and symbols that are known to inspire passion like aphrodisiacs. Among foods we find asparagus, banana, carrot, orange, fish, cucumbers, and eggs; For crystals, turn to those that have a vibrant red hue such as red agates and red jasper.
Rather than use a candle as the main component in this spell, let’s consider using it as additional ambiance to set the mood for a mutually enjoyed passion potion. Begin with three cups of orange juice in a blender, about one-half of a banana, and a hint of vanilla extract. Whip this to frothy, saying:
“Round and round, burning desire,
Take our passions ever higher!”
Pour this into a single cup (to unite your purpose with that of your mate) and drizzle the top with a little melted chocolate and sweet cream. Serve by candlelight, drink fully, and let Nature take her course.
A Passionate Nightlight
For this activity, you’re going to make a special passion candle that you or your significant other can light as a signal when you’re in the mood. Begin with red wax and a mold of your choice. At the base of the candle, place two red stones to represent each of you. Mingle whatever passionate aromatics you both like into the wax while it’s cooling. Stir clockwise as you say:
“Two hearts-one flame our passion reclaim.”
Continue to whisper the incantation into the wax until it’s ready to put into the mold. Use the incantation again each time you light the candle to unlock your magick.
Cooling of Passion
There are times when we want to cool down a relationship that’s getting overheated. To accomplish this, take a candle that represents the overly interested person, dab it with his or her favorite aromatic, and carve their name into it. On each night from the waning to dark moon, light the candle, saying:
“Let _____’s passion decrease, be gentle and calm,
If it be his/her will, and it do no harm.”
This incantation does not manipulate the individual, but rather offers cooling energy that they can accept or reject. After completing the spell place the candle in the freezer temporarily then go have a serious conversation with the said individual, indicating how continued lustful behavior may negatively impact the relationship.
Sometimes people only associate fertility magick with getting pregnant, especially in the framework of a relationship. This need not be so. Our ancestors often worked fertility magick for their gardens, for example! Also, by working fertility spells a little differently, you can spiritually help avoid conception (this might be good for animals who have not been spayed yet, or people for whom some forms of contraception are not healthy). Note: Under NO circumstances should spiritual efforts become a substitute for mundane protections. Remember, in magick and life, common sense goes a long way!
- Time your spells for dawn, Spring, a full moon, a Monday or when the moon is in Pisces. April is a good month for Fertility Magick.
- Add aromatics such as musk, vervain, geranium, hawthorn petals, and pine.
- Use shoot-green or yellow candles.
- Include other potential components and symbols that represent your goals. Newly blossoming plants, seeds, eggs, and nuts are four choices. Other components traditionally associated with fertility include coral and agate stones.
The Seed of Fertility Spell
You’ll need an egg, some seeds, and a candle of your choice for this spell Choose the seeds so that they represent the area of your life to which you wish to bring fertility. If possible, cast a spell on Beltane (May 1) for extra energy. First, poke a pencil-sized hole in the side of the egg so you can drain its contents completely. Next, gently break away a little more (so there’s an opening large enough for the seeds to easily pass through). Rinse with cool water and let the egg dry inside before enacting the spell.
“The light of hope shines. What I wish for can be mine.
This seed I plant shall root and grow.
As within so without; as above, so below!”
Finally, take the seeded shell and put it in rich soil and tend it regularly. Let the candle burn out naturally or, if possible, put it in the soil above the egg. By the time the seeds sprout, you should notice similar changes in your reality.
This spell is specifically for a couple wishing to conceive a child. If possible, wait until the moon is full (but if that’s not when your cycle is fertile, obviously adjust accordingly). Begin by decorating the sleeping chamber with romantic candles including one white one to represent the spirit of the unborn child. Dress in something pleasing to your partner and wear a musky aromatic.
Leave the child’s candle unlit on a table near the bed. Adjacent to that candle, lay a piece of yellow (creation’s color) string or yarn. Sit down and join hands with your partner. Light the candle and speak into the flame all the hopes and wishes you have for the future (specifically why you want to be parents). If it is possible to leave this candle lit safely throughout the love-making process, representing new life! Keep the string near your heart as a charm. Remember to follow up with your physician in about a month.
Separation spells are not solely for relationships. They’re also intended to help you make transitions at the end of a job, before moving to a new residence, or breaking off a business partnership. The whole idea of a ritual or spell is one of closure, and to provide a positive new start.
- Time your spells for the Winter, dusk, and the dark moon.
- Add aromatics such as thyme for courage, myrrh for healing wounds, lotus to break the ties between you, sage for cleansing, and iris for wisdom.
- Use black candles (for endings) possibly coupled with green for a healthy separation or white for pure intentions.
- Include other potential components and symbols of separation such as a partition, a knife, or scissors. Also, items that can be buried to mark a figurative death.
Cord Magic For Separation
For this activity, you’ll need to set up two candles with a long strand of thread in front of them. One candle represents you, and the other represents the person or situation from which you’re separating. Mark each candle with an appropriate symbol before you begin.
Start with the candles setting close together (the string in front extends far beyond them on both sides). At dusk on night one, light them and separate the two about an inch, saying:
“Moving apart in body.”
Blow out the candle (after focusing on the meaning of that phrase for a few minutes), turn, and walk away. Do not return to the candle until night two.
On the second night, light the two candles, and move them apart another inch saying:
“Moving apart in body, moving apart in mind.”
“Moving apart in body, moving apart in mind, moving apart in spirit.”
This time, before you blow out the candles, cut the string before them in half. Keep the half that was near your personal candle wrapped around that candle and stow it away safely so it can continue generating your magical energy. The other half string and candle should be disposed of, representing an ending.
A Couple’s Separation
This activity is for a couple that wishes to use candle symbolism to help with their separation together. In this case, you need three candles. Each person brings one candle, and the third represents the union. Each person should also bring symbols of the union that can be burned or destroy, in another fashion for a clean ending.
This activity begins as the first one did, at sundown, with the central candle being lit. The couple should enter the room from opposite sides. Together, they light the individual candles from the union candle, saying:
“I accept my light back without anger or blame.”
Next, the two should blow out the union candle together saying:
“We release our bonds mutually, with all good wishes.”
At this point, if there’s anything else positive the individuals wish to convey to each other, they should.
Finally, any symbols of the relationship can be ritually burned or put away (possibly by a third party). From this point, the couple turns away, walking out again in opposite directions not looking back. Symbolically, to look back holds on to the past. Learn from it, take the best, and leave the negativity firmly behind where it belongs.
Using Love and Relationship Magic Wisely
Each of our relationships has many dimensions to which we need to attend to keep them healthy. Magic isn’t a cure-all for the bumps those interactions experience along the way. Nonetheless, any time you enact a spell or ritual, it focuses your mind and spirit on the needs and emotions of the moment. That alone is a positive helpmate. Combine that with good intent and energy, and watch what wonders manifest.